It was hot for days in Zagreb. The concrete was burning and all the rain that you could see on the forecasts, and beg for it, you could only dream about in reality. We wanted to go for some time now, we were waiting for the chance and then we grabbed these cheap flight tickets and it was decided. It’s gonna be a volcano-hot burning second half of our annual leave.

Yes, as it always happens, the rain and some mild storm came just as we were waiting to be boarded on our flight. Everything would be fine in the end, we boarded the plane with a majestic view of Medvednica. Four and a half hours in a plane – legs hurt a little bit, a little bit our butts from sitting but there we were: maps say we were in Africa. It was dark. We needed to pick up the rented car. Everything was happening fast and smooth. Driving through the Lanzarote night, I couldn’t see s*** because the lights are not so frequent around the area from airport to our apartment. We unpacked, went to sleep and we woke to this…

Day one: I want fire in my eyes and on the horizon, por favor

You need some time to realize you are amongst the volcanoes. They are inactive currently but no one really knows when it’s going to blow. Talking about living on the edge of existence, quite literally. My brain was kinda in a fog. Thinking about it right now, writing these sentences from the apartment in Zagreb, one part of me doesn’t believe we were there. I needed some time to get used to driving around the unknown and distant island but everything fell in place very quickly. Our first day was reserved for two trails in the Parque Natural – Los Volcanes: Caldera de Los Cuervos and Montaña Colorada. It is a walk around two volcanoes, it doesn’t really matter which one you visit first. We decided it should be Montaña Colorada because there were less cars in the parking lot. Yeah, always hunting for the same thing (lol).

The funny thing is we needed to go around Colorada but our eyes first lay on Montaña Negra which is a good example of the diversity of ages which characterise the volcanoes localised in the central area of Lanzarote. The eruptive history of the island is complex and here you can find ancient volcanoes of several thousands of years, such as is Montaña Negra – the Montaña Colorada’s older sister, we could say. Colorada originated in Timanfaya eruption (1730-1736) and a mere kilometre separates the centre of their craters. The flanks of the mountains, full rofe (volcanic scoria or cinders) here allow the creation of small agricultural holdings, mainly vineyards and some fruit trees which enrich the landscape a little bit.

How to bring life back to these burned places after the fiery eruptions? It is difficult but life always finds a way, at least on our planet it does. Lichens are responsible for starting the colonisation process of vegetation in rocky areas as they are the only plants capable of withstanding adverse soil conditions of lava fields. This was all pretty much crazy in my head! We were looking at the process of terraforming of kind and it was amazing.

But let’s talk about the real explosions for a minute. The majority of volcanoes that form a part of Lanzarote’s landscape have been formed by something called strombolian eruptions. We just love the eruptions, don’t we? It’s the main part of the Great Show, someone yells! Life gets created and life gets destroyed in eruptions. The strombolian eruptions are characterised by rhythmic or intermittent emissions of volcanic material, with explosions every few minutes combined with continual lava flow. Bombardas, or volcanic bombs – fragments which cool into solid forms in the air before they reach the ground. It surely is fun reading and being all giggly about this now, few hundreds or a couple of thousands years after the eruptions happened but I guess it was insanely dangerous to be amongst all of this when it actually happened. The ground was shaking and the sky was full of fiery rain. If you seen this, it was probably your last walk. Charming!

By now, you have probably realized that we like walking. We go on our vacation and then we walk like crazy, all day – all morning and first half of the day to be exact, sometimes longer. It may be rain, it may be hot as hell, you will probably see us walking and be really cheerful about it. My sport watch tells me we walked for 10.3 km that day. The majority of that is when you walk from Colorada to Caldera de Los Cuervos. All the time you are reminded that you mustn’t stray from the path because it is very fragile ecosystem around you and fines are brutal. We were kinda disappointed because the climbing onto these volcanoes is prohibited but there were other options during the next few days.

We enjoyed the circular route of Colorada. When we came to Caldera de Los Cuervos, it was again obvious that this one is more popular. We try to avoid people as much as we can. We walked southwest along the track until you reach the base of the volcanic cone which is called Caldera de Los Cuervos. When you reach the north face, there is an opening which lets you plunge into the back of the crater. We took a few photos and followed the circular route around the volcano.

Fast forward to get back to our car – the sun was high and our rented Hyundai (Hyundač in croatian) was the only car on the parking. This is what I like to see. Everybody else is smart and is already hiding from the sun. We got in the car and then to see something called playa negra. Some people were trying to get into the sea but the terrain is firstly black sand and then it gets pretty rocky. We saw people wearing this ballet shoes for water and still having problems with advancing into the deeper water. The waves are on Lanzarote in general higher and more dangerous than what you can see for example in our Croatia.

We got back into the car and drove to the first city where there was food. We ate pizza for lunch on our first day. The pizza was mediocre but it felt good after the walks. I ordered large beer and I specifically asked the bartender if „large“ means half a litre, he said: around half litre sir. I got 0.4 and was kinda disappointed but okay. Not everyone has such appetites and requirements. We went back to our apartment (Mi Quiquere) and layed low for the rest of the first day.

Day two: How much for the camel?

I’m driving the car towards the city of Teguise. We are planning to visit the famous Teguise market – it seems an ideal place for people who like to buy a lot of stupid stuff. Of course, we were here to feel the ambient and to buy some souvenirs for our people back in Croatia. It is good to be done with this part early on and then don’t think about it anymore.

It reminded me of prošćenje in Biškupec, back home in Varaždin – a lot of stands with trinkets, a lot of the stuff probably chinese origin, there was some food also and it got loud really early on. The market opens at 9am but we were there a little earlier. We navigated through the crowds really well, bought some stuff that looked more of local origin and decided it is time to leave this place.

Our eyes caught the fortress on the hill, above and close Teguise. Somehow I knew we would end up there. Running up that hill? Yes, por favor.

We didn’t enter the museo de la pirateria because we were kinda tired from people and we still had to visit our next destination. Don’t be impatient, it will be revealed real soon! I was totally stunned by this landscape. I remember when I was a teenager and was daydreaming about being in a desert, far away from noise and people, trying to hear only my thoughts, maybe train to not hear them at all, after some time. I just didn’t know that it would be a volcanic desert I would visit years later. It felt real good. Something is different in those places. All of this evokes pleasant and positive feelings in my being. Look at this, tell me how you feel?

Back through the crowd and to the car. We need to get out of Teguise but we are fortunate that most of the peeps are trying to get in. It is already late, million of people are at the market – the best thing for the merchant, not at all for the misanthrope. On the verge of the little town of Guatiza, there lies a creacion de Manrique, a cult figure on island of Lanzarote, a place called Jardin de Cactus.

The cactus garden is amazing, especially if you love these weird plants that can survive extreme heat and circumstances. Cacti (weird as hell plural, comes from Latin) are worthy of our admiration. Many people like them and many people have them at their homes. They are like aliens, these cacti. You can probably tell, but we like cacti. Cacti like to be left alone. That is why they have spikes.

The entry fee is 9 EUR for the grown-ups. It is a charming little place but it is really little. I don’t mind giving 9 EUR to see all these cacti but you can tour the entire garden in less than 20 minutes. You can order drinks of course, there is a souvenir shop but that is it. The sun is killing it, the cacti like it. The humans a little less but all of these tourists seem happy. I am satisfied nevertheless and I think this place is worth your time and visit.

It’s time to eat. It is also time to try something new. The concept of Teleclubs is really an interesting one. Let’s just don’t pretend I wrote this. AI please, take over a little bit, I need to mix myself another drink:

„The teleclub concept in Spain refers to a network of communal social halls created in the 1960s during the Franco regime. Originally designed to bring the country’s single, state-owned television network to rural communities, these spaces have evolved into vital social, cultural, and culinary hubs, most famously persisting today in the Canary Islands (especially Lanzarote).”

So, a culinary hub is what you need when you’re hungry like a wolf. We visited Teleclub in Taniche and boy, it was crowded. Right after the opening of the establishment, there was a constant influx of people, they were standing in line, in droves, waiting to eat the local and cheap food. Some of you know, but I’m a vegetarian my whole life and Ana was also already a vegetarian when we met (just to be sure you don’t think I’m one of those evil ones who force their partners into veggie submission, into the cult of not murdering animals for your food, not slaughtering others so you can sustain yourself. Evil, evil Borna, how could you? She was a decent woman! Now you know, she was already sleeping with the veggie devil when I met her). You don’t have to worry about food on the beautiful island of Lanzarote, there are options. They actually eat a lot of light food, we would call it finger food, a lot of salads, stews and, of course, they eat a lot of fish. Heavier meat is not so popular or at least it seems it isn’t preferred like for example janjetina on Balkans. We ate grilled cheese and papas arrugadas, wrinkly potatoes and are traditional boiled potato dish from Canary islands in Spain. They come with mojo picon and mojo verde, two kinds of sauce. Potatoes are always good and they cannot be bad but papas arrugadas, ay papi, give me moar.

Anyway, this Teleclub seemed a little bit chaotic to us. Relatively young waiters, who all looked a little bit like ex-prisoners to me, were running around, people ordering a lot of food, drinks, etc. We come from Croatia which is, unfortunately and fortunately both, a hospitality-oriented country. It seemed to me like those waiters weren’t ready for such a crowd in such numbers. They kinda forgot what we ordered, put it on the bill but there was no problem with it. We said they didn’t bring it and we didn’t pay for it. In Croatia, waiters and bartenders remember 20 (or more) different drinks and foods and don’t forget anything. Just an observation, nothing else. In this sense, GO CROATIA, we are doing something right (and everything else pretty much not).

Before going to sleep, we observed the stars, laying on the sun loungers, outside our apartment. There is something romantic in star observing. The cosmos is ‘uge and it makes us humble. It says to us, if we are smart, of course: okay, little guy, it is important that you keep breathing but everything will be okay. Those problems you are carrying in your heart and on your troubled mind, they are not really sooooo much important. There will come a day when the Sun will eat away and burn Earth and that will be it. Take it easy.

Day three: My heart is on faya, in the National park of Timanfaya

We left the apartment and for the rest of our stay on Lanzarote, we will be stationed in El Grifo, the wine hotel. Yes, it sounds dangerous. Especially when one of the guests is Zagorec (Zagorec from Varaždin but spiritwise, not so different from being a Zagorec).

But let’s not rush things. First we have the guided tour of NP Timanfaya. Our guide is a cool guy named Xavier. Our group, English speaking group, consisted of a French family and there were Ana and your humble gonzo reporter.

First we enter the official van and there is a bumpy ride towards the start of our educational walk. The walk itself is 3.5 km long but it is very educational, Xavi told us really a lot of things and it was quite interesting. Why wasn’t school like this?!? We learn a lot about Malpais (literally meaning “bad land” in Spanish; rough, barren field of jagged, solidified lava left behind by volcanic eruptions – listen to this: it looks like a giant used a plow but this is not soil, this is hard rock), lava tunnels, types of lava – Pahoehoe and AA lava (yes, a lot of volcano terminology comes from the Hawaiian language), bombardas and other volcanic stones which are really heavy because they are full of iron. It is forbidden to take the volcanic stones from the national park. Also, there is no way to enter without the guide – they are really protective about those barren riches, they conserve and preserve it as it is.

Their trademark is Lanzarote fig which grows really well on this terrain but the trees themselves are close to the ground and protected by the stones they gather around the trees, something like a dry-stone wall. The wind is so strong on Lanzarote, nothing can grow high without being broken. We also saw the stone constructions which they use as fig dryers because dried figs are easier to transport. People used to walk around and carry figs or grapes for long distances, or used camels to transport the goods. I like camels, they are great! They can walk a lot.

We said goodbye to the Frenchmen and Xavier and drove to the hotel El Grifo. Our host was really nice and we got the upgrade to the suite. We took just the regular room but they gave us the suite. The hotel has a little bit of “the Widow’s bay” vibe but we also had a cat. The cat seemed to be hungry and thirsty but later we found out the hotel staff are feeding the cat and the cat is racist – it has a preference for the Asians. Yeah, I know, you are probably thinking: okay, wtf, why am I even reading all of this non-PC bullshit? More about the cat in the second part. Hotel itself is nice and clean, there is nobody there during the day (nobody wants to waste the high UV ray sunlight, skin cancer is just around the corner peeps!).

But wait! How can we go to sleep in peace and finish the day with only a 4.1 km walk?!? After we checked in the hotel, we wanted to eat in the Teleclub located in Mozaga, just a short walking distance from the hotel. We were hungry and, imagine that: Tclub was crowded. We made a weird choice of going to Burger King with our car but the place – Playa Honda is near the beach (Playa de la Concha) we wanted to go to, maybe go for a swim… I don’t know what happened but all of this sand, veggie burgers in my stomach, the grilling of our skins in the sun, it just made me not want to go into the water. This is very weird for me but it was what it was. The day went actually well but the energy fell a little bit. Then I asked Ana if she would like to go somewhere else before we return to the hotel and call it a day. Ana is an expert for traveling, for finding apartments, hotels, restaurants, whatever you want – she will find it, she will plan it and execute it.

Then the magic happened. We were close to the Las Grietas (“the cracks” in Spanish) which are a series of striking, narrow volcanic fissures and miniature canyons carved into the slopes of Montaña Blanca. This is, again, one of those crowded places, everyone wants to see Las Grietas. We saw a lot of cars parked but went nevertheless. The people were passing us by, we were getting closer to Las Grietas and when we came, we got a little window of time when no one was around. We were alone. We and the cracks. We were those cracks. It was a special moment and suddenly the energy was back.

After this magical place, I need to inform you that this is all regarding our first three days on Lanzarote. More words (and pictures!) are coming soon. Until then, be well.